Question: How would you revise and edit the following ten-minute essay?
Answer: My suggested revisions follow the original essay.
Original
..........Last night a story in the news caught my attention. The story was drug-related, which in itself is not remarkable considering all of the drug bust as of late. What was so sad about this particular story it involved a three-year old girl. Apparently she was acting as a go-between for her drug selling mother. The child would get the drugs from her mother give them to the buyer and then take the received money and return it to her mother. What I can't understand is what is going on with our society today. Children are our future, and yet adults have this attitude live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself. Everything....
Suggested Revisions
..........Last night a story in the news caught my attention. The story was drug-related, which is not remarkable, considering all of the recent drug arrests. This particular story was sad because a three-year old girl apparently acted as a go-between for her drug-selling mother. The child would take the drugs from her mother, give them to the buyer and then return the money to her mother.
..........I cannot understand what is going on with our society today. Children are our future, and yet adults have the attitude, "Live for today and let tomorrow take care of itself." Every problem (?)....
Next: Tomorrow will be the last opportunity to revise and edit actual ten-minute essays.
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