Wednesday, August 15, 2007

10-Minute Essay Examples 01

Why write ten-minute essays? The purpose of your writing 10-minute essays 5 days a week for 3 weeks is to let me, RayS., help you identify the problems in sentence structure, usage, punctuation and style in your own writing. Exercises and examples help you to recognize problems but they seldom transfer to your own writing.

Question: Could you give some examples of what you mean by ten-minute essays?

Answer: For the next several weeks, I will give you some examples of ten-minute essays that I have corrected in the past. Try correcting them yourself and then read my corrections At any time, feel free to write your own 10-minute essay and send to RayS. at

The words in bold face indicate some of the changes that I will make in the original and have made in my suggested revisions.

Overview of changes: I think the most significant change I made in the following ten-minute essay is to try to achieve concise expression. I also tried to make the style more formal and point of view ("I") consistent.

..........Rainy day's. I really hate when it rains. Everyone is miserable. The only thing that you can do is sleep and stay in the house. What is really bad is when your in the classroom. Hearing the rain fall, everyone tends to get tired and the time seems to go slower.
.......... Driving in the rain is the worst. Traffic is bad, drivers have to go slow, and you never know when a car might slide into you or the wind could blow over a tree. I rarely like to drive in the rain. I am really scared when it is thundering and lightening and I am out driving somewhere. I always have a feeling that lightening will strick a tree and it will either fall on me or fall right in front of my car.
..........When it rains I usually sit home and watch the television or go to sleep.

Suggested Revisions
..........I hate rainy days. Everyone is miserable. I only survive the gloomy weather by staying in the house, watching television or sleeping. When I have to be in a classroom, the situation is worse. Hearing the rain fall, everyone tends to become tired and the time seems to pass more slowly.
..........Driving in the rain is treacherous. Traffic is heavy, drivers are more cautious and slow, and one never knows when another car might slide across the road or when wind or lightning might strike a tree and crash into oncoming traffic.
..........On rainy days, I am safer at home watching TV or sleeping.

Note: Again, although I am not able to use redlining in this blog, remember that I will use it with word processing to help you track my revisions. If you have any questions about the changes I have made, please be sure to ask me for explanation.

All the best. RayS.

No comments: