Predictable Problems in Sentence Structue 05: Dangling Modifiers

My method for demonstrating these predictable sentence problems is to use simplified sentences that illustrate the problem and solution clearly and to conclude with some long sentences in which the problem is almost hidden. Additional practice and explanation can be found on the Internet which lists hundreds of thousands of Web sites dealing with the topic.

Question: How can I identify dangling modifiers and what do I do about them?

Answer: Dangling modifier simplified sentence: “Carrying a hot dog and a coke, the Phillies hit into a double play.” Some dangling modifiers are downright funny.

Solution: Who is carrying the hot dog and coke? Not the Phillies. They’re busy hitting into a double play. Make clear who is doing the action in the dangling modifier: “While I was carrying a hot dog and a coke, the Phillies hit into a double play.”

Easy, huh? Solving dangling modifiers becomes difficult in longer sentences. Following is an example of a dangling modifier that I took from a column written by a local columnist, who should have known better:

Dangling modifier: “Seven years ago, stuck in a mid-life crisis, a therapist suggested I try envisioning my life five or ten years down the road.”

Solution: Was the therapist stuck in a mid-life crisis? The way the sentence is structured, the reader would think so. Of course not. The writer was the one stuck in the mid-life crisis. “Seven years ago, when I was stuck in a mid-life crisis, a therapist suggested I try envisioning my life five or ten years down the road.”

Be sure to make clear who is doing the action in the dangling modifier.

Below are two long dangling modifiers from Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition, 1986. As you will note, the dangling modifiers are not so easy to recognize or to correct in longer sentences. Brendan Gill in Here at the New Yorker tells how he and his editor spent the better part of a day arguing about the supposed existence of a dangling modifier in one of his articles as he was preparing to go to print.

Dangling modifier: “Representing the conservative point of view, the liberals rebutted her arguments.” p. 305. Okay, the reader can figure out what is meant. But the reader has to take the time to figure it out and in the time that it takes to do so becomes distracted from following the writer’s ideas.

Solution: Who is representing the conservative point of view? Certainly not the liberals. “Because she represented the conservative point of view, the liberals rebutted her arguments.”

Be sure to make clear who is doing the action in the dangling modifier.

Dangling Modifier: “While playing in the high chair, I was afraid the baby would fall out.” p. 307.

Solution: Who is playing in the high chair? Certainly I am not. The baby is. “When the baby was playing in the high chair, I was afraid she would fall out.”

Need more practice with dangling modifiers? Type “dangling modifier” into the Google search engine and you will find 210,000 Web sites, many of them with more explanation and plenty of exercises.

Note: several people have pointed out to me that doing exercises helps them understand the concept, but they have difficulty finding these problems in their own writing. When I have completed this series on predictable problems in sentence structure, I will suggest a method to help you learn to recognize these problems in your own writing.

All the best. RayS.

Predictable Problems in Sentence Structure 04: Active and Passive Voice

Active/Passive Voice

My method for demonstrating these predictable sentence problems is to use simplified sentences that illustrate the problem and solution clearly and to conclude with some long sentences in which the problem is almost hidden. Additional practice and explanation can be found on the Internet which lists hundreds of thousands of Web sites dealing with the topic.

Question: I’ve been told to use the active voice as often as possible. What is it and why?

Answer: Active voice simplified sentence: “The boy hit the ball.” Passive voice simplified sentence: “The ball was hit by the boy.” In the active voice, the subject, or “boy,” is doing the action: he is hitting the ball. In the passive, the subject, “ball” is receiving the action from the boy.

True, having the subject do the action is more direct and clear in meaning. The passive, as the word implies, is an indirect statement, slows the action and often hides who is responsible for the action. For example: “Mr. Jordan has ordered drug tests for everyone.” Mr. Jordan, in the active voice, is the subject of the sentence and is taking responsibility for ordering the drug tests. The passive, “It has been decided that all employees will have drug tests” hides the subject, the person responsible for the drug tests. The passive is often used to hide responsibility.

Below are some longer examples of passive sentences transformed into active sentences, from Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition, 1986.

Passive: “After the computers had been installed by the service reps, a training session was held for us by them.”

Active: “After the service reps installed the computers, they held a training session for us.”

Passive: “A community meeting was held by the area homeowners to discuss the landfill project, which had been proposed by the City Council.”

Active: “Area home owners held a community meeting to discuss the City Council’s proposed landfill project.”

On the Internet: To practice turning passive sentences into active sentences, type “passive active voice” into the Google search engine. You will find 1,900,000 Web sites containing more discussion of the issues involving active and passive voice and plenty of exercises.

All the best. RayS.

Predictable Problems in Sentence Structure 03: Sentence Fragments.

My method for demonstrating these predictable sentence problems is to use simplified sentences that illustrate the problem and solution clearly and to conclude with some long sentences in which the problem is almost hidden.

Question: What are some problems that you can predict will appear in students’ writing?

Answer: sentence fragments are incomplete sentences. Examples: “The roof in the yard.” “Riding her new bicycle.” “After the rain stopped.”

Solution: Add a subject or verb. Add to an already existing complete sentence, either preceding or following the fragment.

Simplified sentence: The Phillies played. After the rain stopped.
Correction: The Phillies played after the rain stopped. (Added to the preceding complete thought.)

Simplified sentence. After the hurricane. The roof in the yard.
Correction: “After the hurricane, the roof lay in the yard.” (Added verb--"lay"--to the subject "roof.")

Simplified sentence: She was on the sidewalk. Riding her new bike.
Correction: “She was on the sidewalk riding her new bike.” (Added to the preceding complete thought.)

Once again, the problem with most sentence fragments is in longer sentences where the fragment is almost hidden.

Here are two long sentences containing fragments from Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition, 1986.

Fragment: “Elizabeth established a school for girls. Feeling depressed by the economic plight of her family, which now consisted of her mother, four sisters and four brothers.” p. 274.

Corrected: Feeling depressed by the economic plight of her family, which now consisted of her mother, four sisters and four brothers, Elizabeth established a school for girls. (Placed fragment after the preceding complete sentence, "Elizabeth established a school for girls.")

Corrected: Elizabeth established a school for girls because she was feeling depressed by the economic plight of her family, which now consisted of her mother, four sisters and four brothers.” (Added subject and verb.)

Fragment: “When told that it would be impossible for a woman to become a doctor, she determined to follow her dying friend’s advice. Not certain how she should proceed against the forces of prejudice.” p. 274.

Corrected: “When told that it would be impossible for a woman to become a doctor, she determined to follow her dying friend’s advice, although she was not certain how she should proceed against the forces of prejudice.” (Added subject and verb.)

And don’t forget that many an author uses sentence fragments on purpose to vary style. If you commit sentence fragments NOT on purpose and want to practice correcting sentence fragments, put the topic, “sentence fragments,” in Google and you will find 1,700,000 Web sites, most of them with exercises and explanations.

All the best. RayS.

Predictable Problems in Sentence structure 02: run-on sentences

Question: What are some problems in sentence structure that you can predict will appear in students’ writing?

Answer: the run-on sentence (also called a “comma splice”) in which two complete sentences are connected inadequately by a comma.

Solutions: period; semicolon; coordinate conjunction; subordinate conjunction.

Simplified sentence: “I saw the Phillies play, they lost as usual.” (Run-on sentence or comma splice.)
Corrected: “I saw the Phillies play. They lost as usual.” (Period.)
Corrected: “I saw the Phillies play; they lost as usual.” (Semicolon.)
Corrected: “I saw the Phillies play and they lost as usual.” (Coordinate conjunction.)
Corrected: “When I saw the Phillies play, they lost as usual.” (Subordinate conjunction)

Note: Coordinate conjunctions: “and,” “but,” “or,” “nor,” “for,” “yet,” “so.”
Subordinate conjunctions: “when…,” “after…,” “because…,” “since…,” etc.

Important variation: the use of "however," "nevertheless," etc. is one of the most frequent run-ons. “I saw the Phillies play, however, they lost as usual.” (Run-on, comma splice.)
Corrected: “I saw the Phillies play; however, they lost as usual.”
(; however,)

Simplified sentences clearly demonstrate the problem of and the solutions to run-on sentences. However, the problem will not be as obvious when older students and adults are using long sentences. Here are some longer run-on, comma splice sentences from Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition, 1986:

Run-on: “Ynes Mexia, the botanical explorer, discovered rare tropical plants on her expeditions to Mexico and South America, these discoveries were of great value to science.” p. 277.

Corrected: “Ynes Mexia, the botanical explorer, discovered rare tropical plants on her expeditions to Mexico and South America. These discoveries were of great value to science.” (period)

Run-on: “The astounding scientific developments of one generation are accepted commonplaces in the next generation, the computer and the cassette recorder, for instance, are taken for granted by everyone today.” p. 278.

Corrected: “The astounding scientific developments of one generation are accepted commonplaces in the next generation; the computer and the cassette recorder, for instance, are taken for granted by everyone today.”(semicolon)

If run-on sentences are among your habitual problems, type "run-on sentences" in Google. and click "Go." The last time I checked, Google had 1,720,000 Web sites dealing with run-on sentences, many of them exercises, with some interesting presentations explaining the problem.

All the best. RayS.

Predictable Problems in Sentence Structure 01

Question: What are some problems in sentence structure that you can predict will appear in students’ writing?

Answer: run-on sentences; sentence fragments; active/passive voice; dangling modifiers; misplaced modifiers; parallel structure.

My purposes in the next few sessions will be to explain clearly the nature of these problems. I will use simplified sentences that will make clear each problem and its solution. I will not attempt exhaustive coverage of each problem because the Internet can provide an incredible number of Web sites dealing with these problems.

For example:

Run-on sentences: 1,720,000 Web sites, many of which consist of exercises and additional explanation.
Sentence fragments: 1,700,000 Web sites
Active and passive voice: 1,940,000 Web sites
Dangling modifiers: 210,000 Web sites
Misplaced modifiers: 193,000 Web sites
Parallel structure: 57,200,000 Web sites

Although the simplified sentences will make clear the problem and solutions, the real problem will be with the longer sentences used by older students and adults. Longer sentences “hide” the problems. I will conclude each section with some long sentences taken from Warriner’s English Grammar and Composition, Liberty Edition by John E. Warriner. Complete Course. New York, etc.: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Publishers. 1986.

Here are some examples of each problem:
Run-on sentences: I saw the Phillies play, they lost as usual.
Sentence fragment: The Phillies played. After the rain.
Dangling modifier: Carrying a hot dog and a coke, the Phillies hit into a double play.
Misplaced modifier: I walked my dog Guinness carrying a basketball.
Parallel structure: I like to hunt and fishing.

All the best. RayS.

"Yo."

Question: Is "yo" a verb for what you do with a yo-yo?

Answer: Why not?

Background: "At our church in the summer time, our pastors ask a child to put an object into a special bag and then the pastor makes up an on-the-spot 2-minute children's sermon based on the object. The only requirements is that the object is not alive or has never been alive.

"Last night a child had put a yo-yo in the bag. The pastor took it from the bag and while she was thinking what to say, she asked, 'What do you do with a yo-yo?'

"A little boy put up his hand and answered, 'You yo.' "

Is "yo" a verb?

RayS.: "Yo" is a "Philadelphianism," if there is such a word to describe the language of Philadelphians, that means, "Hi" or "Hello." My daughter Susie always used to greet callers on the phone with "Yo!" Folklore says that it originated in South Philadelphia. Some New Jerseyans say that "Yo!" originated with them. However, I have never heard of "yo" as a verb meaning to use a yo-yo. Frankly, I think "yo" as a verb for what you do with a yo-yo is terrific. The kid is a linguistic genius.

All the best. RayS.

Informal and Formal Writing 05

Question: What are the differences between informal and formal expression?

Answer: Informal writing is conversational writing, characterized by needless repetition, contractions, general words, lack of clear reference and the “I” and/or “you” point of view.

Today: The problem with demonstrative pronouns—“this,” “that,” “these,” “those” without clear reference.

The demonstrative pronouns, “this,” “that,” “these,” and “those” create problems in coherence when what they refer to is not clear. Usually demonstrative pronouns are found in the expressions “This is….” “That is….” “These are….” and “Those were….”

Antecedent not clear: “He had been playing ball for ten years. This has helped him learn the strategy of the game.

Clear antecedent: “He had been playing ball for ten years. This experience has helped him learn the strategy of the game.”

Without the word “experience,” at the very least, the reader has to fill in the obvious, that it was his "playing ball for ten years" that helped him learn the strategy of the game. As brief a time as it takes to make that connection, the reader is still interrupted and distracted in order to do so. Whenever possible, try not to let “this,” “that,” “these” and “those” as demonstrative pronouns dangle unattached in your sentences. What is the antecedent? Or, to what do “this,” “that,” “these” and “those” refer? Repeating the antecedent or using a synonym after the “dangling” demonstrative pronoun will make your sentences flow smoothly.

Note: What about “...that it was his experience that helped…” in the first sentence of your previous paragraph? The use of “that” in these examples is not as a demonstrative pronoun, but as a relative pronoun, or as a conjunction before subordinate clauses. (A clause has a subject and verb, "...that it was..." and "...that helped...." I’m afraid I’m going to have to resort to teaching some grammar.)

To sum up:

What is the point of this discussion of formal and informal writing? Certain situations require formal writing: writing assignments and research papers in school; formal reports in business situations; articles in professional journals, etc. Informal writing is reader-friendly, inviting the reader to join you in your writing. For example, I have now switched to informal expression. I want to talk directly to and engage my reader.

Keep in mind, too, that most published writing is a mixture of the two styles.

Which to use? The situation will dictate that requirement. Your boss will dictate that requirement. I have tried to show you in the last five blogs how to change your informal expression to formal expression, if you need to, by removing contractions, general words without clear reference and needless repetition and by changing the “I” and/or “you” points of view to third person.

To you as a reader, the conversational tone is engaging. Informal expression has considerable value to you as a writer. When you are not sure what you want to say, you can begin writing by using informal expression. Begin as if you are writing a letter, for example. However, if formal expression is required, then you will need to remove the contractions, general words, and needless repetition and then change the point of view to the third.

Beyond the conventional requirement of formal English in certain situations, why is formal expression desirable? As I read e-mails, I am quick to note people who are careful writers. They always strike me as people who have learned to write. The most significant characteristic is that they do not repeat words unnecessarily, one of the most frequent problems with inexperienced writers who tend to write as they speak.

The value of formal, precise, clear expression is perhaps best summed up in the following quotes from experts on writing:

Zinsser says that good writing “…has an aliveness that keeps the reader reading from one paragraph to the next” (On Writing Well).

Herbert Spencer defined writing style as “that which requires the least effort of understanding” (Durant, The Story of Philosophy, “Herbert Spencer”).

James Thurber described his purpose for rewriting as “…a constant attempt on my part to make the finished version smooth, to make it seem effortless” (Cowley, ed. Writers at Work).

Formal expression accomplishes those goals. Formal expression communicates precisely and clearly, keeps the reader reading with the least effort of understanding and makes the finished piece of writing seem effortless.

All the best. RayS.